Sexuality is not something fixed. It changes, evolves, and is closely connected to our body awareness, our reality of life, and our inner experience. And yet there are still areas that are spoken about surprisingly little. One of them is female pleasure.
Pleasure begins within ourselves. It does not emerge from pressure or expectation. Conversations with people who engage deeply with this topic open perspectives that are often missing. We want to highlight how differently sexuality is experienced and how closely it is connected to body awareness, self-perception, and societal conditioning.
For this article, we spoke with Johanna Debes, a Sexological Bodyworker and holistic sexual health practitioner. Her work exists at the intersection of body, emotion, and female pleasure. She explores the question of how pleasure can truly be experienced in a fulfilling way. It quickly became clear during our conversation that this is not about quick solutions, but rather about a process that requires time, openness, and above all, the willingness to reconnect with oneself.
This becomes especially apparent when looking at how external factors influence our perception. Stress, mental pressure, lack of time, or the feeling of constantly needing to function all directly affect the body and therefore also desire itself. For many women, this is a crucial issue in everyday life. Between work, family, endless to-do lists, and societal expectations, very little space remains. The body is present, but the connection is missing. In addition, female sexuality has long been viewed primarily from a functional perspective. The focus was less on how pleasure individually feels, how it develops, or how different it can be. Instead, the primary emphasis was on partnership and reproduction. This lack of knowledge still exists today. Many women know surprisingly little about their own anatomy, the interaction between arousal, the nervous system, and emotions, or how strongly context and mood influence personal experience. This often leads to one specific thought: that something is wrong. But often the opposite is true. The body is not the problem, but expectations placed upon it are.
The conversation with Johanna Debes shows why female pleasure cannot be viewed in isolation, but is always shaped through experience, emotions, self-image, and social conditioning.
Pleasure Is Not a Goal, but a State of Connection
“Female pleasure is not a goal or a technique for me. It is a state of connection. A connection to your own body, your own sensations, and to what feels alive.” From the very beginning of the conversation, it becomes clear how much Johanna’s perspective differs from conventional ideas. Pleasure is often understood as something that must be achieved. Something that either works or doesn’t. But this exact way of thinking is what she questions. “Many women have learned to think about pleasure from the outside and as something that should ‘work.’ For me, pleasure begins where we slow down, feel our body again, and stop trying to achieve something.”
This marks a fundamental shift. Away from performance and toward perception and experience. “Then pleasure stops being something we create and becomes something that naturally arises.” Pleasure cannot be viewed separately from life itself. It is deeply connected to other levels of our existence. “For me, pleasure is also a synonym for joy of life, vitality, and creativity.”
Between Performance Pressure and Missing Body Knowledge
The importance and relevance of this topic quickly become clear through Johanna’s own story. “This topic is so important to me because I experienced firsthand how easily women can lose connection to their bodies.” Especially at a young age, there is often very little understanding of what pleasure actually means. What pleasure truly is often only becomes tangible over time. “As a young woman, like many women, I experienced my sexuality and pleasure much more through how I was perceived rather than through what I actually felt. Over time, this connection can change or disappear entirely which very often happens quietly and unnoticed.” What follows is uncertainty and often the feeling that something is wrong. “For a long time, I didn’t even know what I wanted or needed for my pleasure.”
But Johanna’s experience is not an exception. On the contrary, it reflects a much larger societal gap. “At the same time, female sexuality and women’s health are still under-researched, and in school female sexuality is mainly reduced to reproduction.” The result: little knowledge, little orientation, and a strong focus on function instead of feeling. “We live in a culture that demands a lot of performance but leaves very little room for feeling.” And that is exactly why female pleasure is more than just an intimate topic for Johanna. “It is almost like a quiet counterbalance to our performance-driven society.” When women reconnect with their pleasure, it changes not only their sex lives, but also how they make decisions, set boundaries, and trust themselves and that is exactly what makes this topic so powerful for Johanna. She says: “I can only encourage every woman to bring light into the unknown, develop a spirit of curiosity, and reclaim their own pleasure.”
We also explore how closely self-perception and pleasure are connected in our blogpost on self-love and more sensual experiences. Because often this is exactly where the first step back toward deeper connection with oneself begins.
One’s Own Journey: Between Acting, Bodywork, and Self-Discovery
The path toward one’s own pleasure happens gradually. Johanna also describes her journey as a process. “I became really good at faking orgasms, but at some point, I noticed that during sex I would repeatedly disconnect and dissociate.”
A realization that changed everything. “I also wasn’t able to talk openly about sex or express what I wanted, and over time that became deeply frustrating.” She also felt that she blamed her sexual partners for her situation, even though they knew just as little about female pleasure as she did. Very early on, she felt the desire to explore sexuality more deeply and pursue further education in this field. At the same time, she did not yet feel ready for certain practices such as Tantra.
Her exploration began through the body… Through movement, breath, and expression.
“In my early twenties, I moved to Berlin to study acting, and there I spent all day doing bodywork.” At the same time, the desire grew to give women a voice and to artistically and emotionally engage with topics such as pleasure and body awareness. What initially began artistically gradually evolved further. “That’s also where I attended my first women’s group with Ilan Stephani and became more and more drawn to this topic.” Today, she describes her sexuality as something that can be experienced independently of external factors.“ I’m so grateful that I learned how to enter my own sexual trance independently of a partner.”
The Body as the Key to Pleasure
One central question throughout the conversation is where pleasure actually begins. And it quickly becomes clear that, for Johanna, its origin is not in the mind but in the body. Many women experience a certain distance here because everyday life, stress, and inner tension overshadow their connection to their own bodies. When the body is under pressure or does not feel safe, perception becomes quieter. Pleasure retreats or becomes barely noticeable. For Johanna, the solution is very clear: instead of trying to “do” more, it is about feeling more again. Small moments of awareness, breath, and presence. Not as a technique, but as a reconnection to one’s own sensations. Often, the body reacts much earlier than the mind. Long before thoughts can even categorize what feels good. A recurring topic in the conversation is the widespread idea that pleasure requires special conditions: time, calmness, or perfect circumstances. But this idea often falls short. Pleasure does not begin in one clearly defined moment. It starts much earlier within everyday life itself. In the way we move, breathe, and remain present with ourselves. It is the small, seemingly insignificant moments that can shift our connection to pleasure, such as a conscious breath or a brief moment of pause.
When pleasure is finally viewed as something that is allowed to exist within everyday life, the relationship to one’s body changes over time. There is less pressure and more openness toward what is already there.
We also provide deeper insight into this connection in our blog category on sexual wellbeing and intimacy.
Between Uncertainty and Curiosity
Many women begin their journey toward pleasure from a very similar place: uncertainty. They often wonder whether they are feeling “correctly” or whether something is missing. Johanna describes an important shift in perspective here: moving away from the expectation of immediately knowing or being able to do something. Instead, something much simpler becomes central: curiosity. The body is no longer judged but explored. Without expectations. Without goals. It is not about immediately creating intense experiences, but rather about reconnecting with one’s own pleasure in the first place.
Another central aspect is the importance of body knowledge. The better women know their own bodies, the clearer their relationship to pleasure becomes. This knowledge creates safety. Things that once felt vague or uncertain begin to take shape. At the same time, it reduces shame and the feeling of somehow being “wrong.” What is especially interesting is the broader understanding of sexual health not merely as something physical, but as a combination of emotional, mental, and social wellbeing. Sexuality is therefore not reduced to function but understood as part of a much larger context. One particularly impactful point in the conversation is the role of expectation. The desire for a certain outcome, such as orgasm, often creates exactly the amount of pressure that prevents it from happening. A common misconception is that pleasure must always be spontaneous, intense, and unmistakable. Many women believe something is wrong if this is not the case. But once this goal moves into the background, space emerges for perception and for whatever is present in the moment. Many women describe experiencing more calmness, connection, and intensity precisely then.
Slowness plays an essential role here – not as a technique, but as a prerequisite for arousal to unfold at all. What surprises many people is exactly this: often, it requires less than expected. No new techniques, no “more,” but rather a different pace and a different kind of attention. Knowledge alone is not enough. What truly matters is experience, experimentation, and reconnecting with the body within everyday life and perhaps this is the most important insight of the entire conversation: pleasure is not something that has to be achieved. It is something that is allowed to arise when pressure disappears and the body is given space again.
In the end, it becomes clear: pleasure does not arise through pressure or performance goals, but through connection to one’s own body and that may be the most important takeaway from this conversation.
Conclusion
The conversation with Johanna Debes shows how complex and deeply individual female pleasure truly is. It does not exist separately from everyday life, but is closely connected to stress, self-perception, body awareness, and societal expectations. That is exactly why sexuality needs a more open perspective. A perspective that does not judge pleasure or tie it to performance, but instead creates space for experience, curiosity, and self-awareness. And perhaps this is the most important shift in perspective of all: pleasure does not have to “work.” It is allowed to change, develop slowly, and feel different over time and sometimes the path toward it does not begin with more pressure or more knowledge, but with something much simpler: the moment we start consciously listening to our own bodies again.
About Johanna Debes
Johanna is an actress, Sexological Bodyworker, and holistic sexual health practitioner with a special focus on female pleasure, body awareness, and self-empowerment. Through her Female Pleasure Atelier, she creates safe spaces where women can rediscover, deepen, and experience their sensuality in a self-determined way. Her work combines artistic expression with body-oriented process guidance and a deep sensitivity for emotional depth. Johanna supports women in letting go of old conditioning and developing an authentic connection to their bodies, pleasure, and vitality.
Johanna regularly performs in theater productions in Berlin, a city that continues to hold a special place in her heart. After 14 years in Berlin, she returned to her hometown in 2021. Today, she manages a multigenerational living project near Hamburg, surrounded by nature, where six children grow up almost like in Bullerbü. She herself is the mother of a five-year-old son.
Website: Johanna Debes | Embodiment through Body Wisdom
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/johanna.debes/?__pwa=1
Telegram: Telegram: View @femalepleasureatelier
Find Johanna’s Masterclass Solo Sex?? on May 9 and 12 here
Johanna´s Self Pleasure Eventon May 18
FAQ
What does “Self-Pleasure” actually mean?
Self-Pleasure describes the conscious exploration of one’s own body and pleasure. It is not only about masturbation, but primarily about awareness, connection, and discovering what feels good.
Why do many women struggle to connect with their pleasure?
Often, there is a lack of knowledge about the body and how pleasure actually develops. At the same time, societal expectations and performance pressure strongly influence personal experience. Many women have learned to think about pleasure in a functional way instead of experiencing it as something deeply individual.
Does pleasure always have to arise spontaneously?
No. One common misconception is that pleasure must always appear suddenly and intensely. In reality, it often develops slowly and requires safety, relaxation, and attention toward one’s own body.
What can I do if I hardly feel any pleasure?
A good first step is to remove pressure. Instead of forcing yourself to feel something immediately, begin with curiosity: How does my body feel today? What feels pleasant? Even small moments of awareness throughout the day can create meaningful change.
What role does everyday life play in pleasure?
A very large one. Pleasure does not only arise in specific situations but is deeply connected to body awareness in everyday life. Stress, tension, and lack of rest directly affect the ability to feel desire.
The good thing is dancing, laughing, sports, and breathwork also have their effect – a positive one.